In the wee hours of the morning I received a screenshot Facebook message from my sister. It turns out that a guy who expressed an ocean-deep interest in dating me was now taking a dive into her DMs. Now when I say my sister, I don’t mean a really good friend who I went to college with–I’m talking about my mother and father’s child who has always lived in the same household with me. That tidbit is not classified information unbeknownst to him because he grew up in the same neighborhood as us. And are you ready for the kicker? He’s married with a child. It’s for that reason I kindly deleted him as my Facebook friend months ago. That’s too much drama in the making and I have no problem finding a man that can solely belong to me. Sharing is for preschoolers and my sister, being my protege’, feels the same, which is why she told me what he was up to and read him his rights in the inbox. Go sis, go!
After ending my conversation with her, I had a chat with my male friend about random things going on in the world. This led to the subject of him having a hard time finding a woman to settle down with. He travels back and forth to Africa on business and is there for long periods of time. I jokingly assumed that he was this bachelor sowing his royal oats in the Motherland, but I was dead wrong. He explained to me that dating in Gambia was difficult because most of the women he’s dated have had Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). Not to say that he values sex more than anything else, but sexual intimacy is an important aspect of a relationship. As he told me stories of women who had their labia sewn together and/or clitoris cut off to control their sexuality, I felt so sad for these women. And those drastic measures are just a few forms of FGM; he said there are even more tactics enforced to make young ladies be “good girls” until they get married. And when they are ready to get married, an older lady cuts them open so the husband can enjoy what’s left of his wife. I remember watching news reports on this as a child, but to hear these life-threatening stories again as a grown woman renewed my empathy for the young girls who have to endure this traumatic experience.
Do I know these women who have to sacrifice their bodies for society’s sake? No, but they are my sisters just like the wife of Mr. Down in the DMs. As a woman I feel their pain. I also celebrate with them in my heart when they feel triumph, like in late 2015 when President Yahya Jammeh banned FGM in Gambia.
Ironically, these stories unfolded during Women’s History Month and a few days after singer Joni Sledge’s death, all of which reminded me that we are family indeed. If I see a pretty stranger in the store, I don’t have a problem with complimenting her beauty. Supporting other women has never been an issue for me and I don’t understand why other women would rather chew rusty nails than salute another woman doing her thing. As women we should always want for our sister what we want for ourselves. So if your goal is to live a lit life to the fullest, don’t intentionally do something to hurt your sister. If you expect to find the man of your dreams, don’t creep around with someone else’s. If your sister is facing an issue, show some concern, even if you don’t know what it feels like to be in her shoes. Simply love your neighbor as you should love yourself. That’s what feminism means to me.
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